If you fart in an elevator, you have no regard for humanity. You are a plague. You should be imprisoned. Don’t laugh, you foulish fiend. You are on the slippery slope to serial killing. No, I’m not saying everyone who rips one in an elevator will eventually commit murder, but I bet you dollars to beans Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer started with elevator air biscuits.
It’s disgusting; it’s menacing, and quite frankly, a form of gaseous rape, pulverizing innocent nostrils with something so horrifyingly noxious. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn this is where Hitler got his ideas.
I mean how long is an elevator ride? One, possibly three minutes? If you can’t hold your shitsnacks for that long you should have a gastroenterologist on retainer.
Look, I understand that after a certain age you might not have much control. Old people are like leaky balloons, fluttering and flittering, slowly making their way back to earth. But I’m not talking about the elderly. I’m talking about someone who could pinch it off, but decides their own discomfort outweighs the inhalation of those around them. Screw us; they have a tummy ache.
Well, I say, no more! Let us banish these psychopaths from our elevators. Let us cast them into the stalls they clearly need.
photo credit: <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/herberella/49625721/”>herberella</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>cc</a>