Mr. Miyagi’s Full of Sh*t

I loved The Karate Kid as a boy.

No, not this one:

This one:

I loved it so much I chose to see it on opening night over a Michael Jackson concert. The King of Pop was in town for one show, and My father asked what I wanted to do as my birthday present. And I chose Daniel LaRusso. I chose a four dollar movie over a once in a lifetime experience. Yes, I now realize I could’ve done both – gone to the concert and seen the film any other night – but I was that obsessed. Because in a time when men were told to look like this:

John G. Avildsen’s said heroes also looked like this:

And at the time, I looked like this:

So the movie gave me hope, it gave me confidence. I practiced “painting the fence” and “sanding the floor.” I even perfected the almighty “Crane Kick.”

I thought it made me invincible, because as said, “If do right, no can defense.”

And I believed him until I saw it on TV the other day.

Indefensible my ass!

He’s just going to kick you with the foot that’s on the ground. He even lets you know when he’s going to do it. As soon as he jumps up, drops the knee, the other foot’s coming up.

This guy could stop it.

I can’t tell you how hard this was to watch. It shattered my childhood, and I’ve dealt with the truth about Santa Claus, my parents getting a divorce and learning my mom hid her sexuality for forty-five years.

I should’ve just gone to the concert.

11 thoughts on “Mr. Miyagi’s Full of Sh*t

  1. Dude don’t ever look back at your childhood through your adult eyes. You were psyched for the Karate Kid, you made the right decision at the time.

  2. And remember in Part Two when the guy blocked it? I remember everyone in the audience being “Oh crap, he just stopped the Crane! Nobody can do that!”

    • I totally forgot about that! And what was with that swinging drum rattle move in Part II? It was the flailing technique of a spastic first grader. I did like how John Kreese was this broken drunk though.

  3. I’m still not entirely convinced that Ferris Bueller’s Day Off isn’t a possibility for me in my lifetime. I would very much like to dance on top of a float and lead a parade. Don’t take that away from me…

    • I would never. I believe in your float parade abilities. And you’ve reminded me of my dream to become a valet and steal a car.

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